SPANX

Good evening!! (Actually I suppose it’s good morning)

First of all, I hope everyone had a great holiday and New Years. Although I get very excited for this time of year there is one thing that always rains on my parade. You see, with each holiday comes not just presents but the reminder of my fatness. What do I mean? Well, for New Years Eve this year my friends and I decided that we would go downtown to celebrate. I was really excited for our fancy evening out, until it came down to what I was going to wear. My best friend (the one that has the hot, OMG body to die for) and I went to the mall in search of the perfect outfit. Let me tell you how much it sucks when of the ten+ dresses we both tried on, allll of them looked super fabulous on her and only one KIND OF looked okay on me. To make it even worse, the one dress that I fell in love with and realllly wanted wouldn’t fit no matter how much I sucked in, and she ended up buying it. Fast forward a couple of days; it is now New Years Eve. The next reminder of how big my butt is came during the getting ready part of the night. The dress and shoes were laid out on my bed ready to go, the plan for the night was finally written in stone, but one very important question remained unanswered. To wear spanx or not to wear spanx? Do I want to be incredibly uncomfortable and not really be able to breathe the entire night? What if I meet the man of my dreams tonight..........? (By the way boys, I'm single now). Well anyway, I opted not to wear the spanx and instead I threw them in my trash can; I am not going to need those anymore…! I’m going to have trouble again picking a dress out for next New Years Eve, but it’s going to be because I have so many different options not because I can’t fit into any of them!

A few people have made comments over the past two weeks saying they'd be way too embarrassed to broadcast their body online for the world to see as I am about to do. These little comments got me thinking... Should I be nervous and embarrassed? I really started to dwell upon this; I started thinking about how a certain boy from some of my classes (who I have a major crush on) might see me with next to no clothes on, fat 100% out there... You see, since the age of like nine, I have been extremely self conscious of the way I look and have done my very best to hide my body. Now though, I am about to post online pictures of myself in a bikini for all to see. My nerves kicked in and I started to wonder what the heck I had got myself into.   

Thankfully though, a few nights ago I watched an episode of MTV’s new show, I Used To Be Fat, the girl Gabriella, made one comment that really stood out in my mind, she said something along the lines of, “I gave up one summer of my whole life to be happier and healthier for the rest of it and to me that is a pretty good trade”. Listening to everything Gabriella had to say really inspired me and totally changed my thought process. All I’ve been able to think about since is how much my life is going to change for the better over the next six months. I decided that I really don't give an ish (can I say that) if anybody has anything bad to say about me doing this whole thing, and if that one particular boy happens to see my fat pictures and thinks less of me then whatever. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. At the end of the day I am doing this for me. I don't want to be fat anymore; I want to be healthy and proud of my body and I don’t want to wear spanx EVER again. I also, like Gabriella, want to encourage others to do this with me. I know all too well how difficult it is to lose weight on your own. UC’s trainers are going to help me and I am going to help you!

Tomorrow morning, well actually about 6 hours from now, I am meeting with my personal trainer Ashlee for the first time. Tomorrow is my initial “assessment,” basically we are going to find out how un-fit I am. Later on during the day I will also be meeting with my nutritionist Alisa, which I am really excited for. She seems really nice and I’m looking forward to learning everything she has to teach me.

Although over the past couple of weeks I have had a mixture of feelings about what the next few months hold in store for me, the most prevalent of all the feelings is excitement. I have never been so enthusiastic to workout in my whole life. I just hope that this feeling continues!! Check back later this week to find out what my personal trainer and nutritionist have to say to me tomorrow!